2018 Russia World Cup Of Anarchy


Everyone's favourite aspect of soccer - the football hooliganism. Albeit the world's most popular sport, soccer can be a tedious game. With the 2018 World Cup just around the corner and several power house programs such as Italy and the Netherlands sitting out (honourable mentions to Canada, Ukraine and USA also sitting out), President Putin and FIFA needed to pull some serious strings to save this one. After weeks of brainstorming they have come up with the ultimate solution to save this one. SOCCER HOOLIGANS ON DRUGS!

Through a bureaucratic loophole, Soccer fans aka hooligans will be allowed to bring in cocaine, marijuana, and heroin into stadiums at this year's World Cup. However, you must have a doctors note in Russian or English with medical reasoning to shoot up, light up, or have a bump during your match up. Which is completely fair because if there wasn't that stipulation things may get a little out of control with rival countries and rival soccer fans.

A few problems may restrict some users though, such as bringing it into the country and finding a medical condition to permit hard drugs. But with a couple months away, the KGB and backyard chemists in Russia should have no problem coming up with a suitable quantity. Plus, countries in South America have always found a way to bring their party goods across the border. With the Cali Cartel finally eliminated from the drug game, Narcos season 4 needs a new kingpin and this operation would definitely be the best audition.

As for medical conditions, drugs like methamphetamine and cocaine in the US are scheduled in a class that's still medically valued. So Russian doctors may be more lenient with handing out prescriptions this summer.

To add to this mayhem, after a bloody brawl in the streets of Marseille, France after a 1-1 draw in the Euro Cup, English soccer hooligans have officially declared war with Russian fans at this year's World Cup.

Russkis must have never watched Euro Trip, otherwise Russians would know two things:

1. Only one American nickle can get you out of the slums of Eastern Europe and start your own hotel chain.

2. Never ever mess with an English hooligan.

With no Ukraine, I could be on all the narcotics allowed at this World Cup and I still wouldn't find these games entertaining. But now I will certainly be tuning in. My hot take: Colombia wins their first ever World Cup title.